I Have To Open My Eyes to Start Seeing

The seasons, the times, the weather and wear, have stripped away my seemingly impenetrable varnish. I once thought myself whole, but in reality, am only hole.
There is a hole in my heart, a hole in my soul trying to be filled by various things of my control.
The stumbling block from where I start is the scheme to control the condition of my heart.
Trying to steer the rudder on my own. Trying to grow under conditions, which formerly none have grown.
My case is no different. I am no miracle child. Worldly ways will not grow me, though more often than not I choose not to heed
The gap between here and there is neither here nor there, but all too important to how I poorly fair.
There are trials and tests, which are consistently failed, my life and blunders, by which I am constantly ailed.
I have seen the good road and it runs away from me, or so I like to think. The truth is, I run from it. It is not going anywhere for it is inanimate, but I can move if I want to, for I often have managed it.
The truth is my savior, but who is that to be? Numbness and carelessness or pain through which we shared all this? Or the pain of life and the sorrow of sin, the light of the true soul shone out from in.
All these we include in what often consists of interlude, though a pause in this scene is unproductive and naïve.
We give up our vigor for substance and a fake sense of fulfillment. We become blind and lead the blind instead being the leader of the line.
Shambles and disgrace, the continued corruption of the human race, all by our hands if we choose to sit and wait.
To wait until the end without consideration of the poor. Consideration of the sick, the uneducated, the robber, or the whore.
When we decide not to ignore we see the repercussions of our moral deformity. The scars the scabs, the cuts, the ulcers, in our hearts as it oozes and pulses.
The end is near but consists of beauty. We live our lives burdened with duty. We can pretend we don’t see it to numb the pain, or we can each be solutions never spent in vain.
I haven’t figured it out and I still have questions, but my purpose is clear whilst I pass through intersections. I will pass each new task with a cautious eye, an open heart, and open mind, no more actions gone awry.
My resolve may save me, but my human likeness may kill me. In the end he keeps no score, he will replenish and fulfill me.

6-16-10